process of life

Hello Friends,

I am pretty time poor at the moment due to having fun with the family on school holidays, so I will need to get straight to the point.

The affirmation “I trust the process of life” has manifested immediate results and in three distinct awareness.

The first manifestation was that I had to have a CT scan. Are we ever more vulnerable than being half naked, unable to even flinch in a machine that sounds like it is about to take off, all while the medics run for cover in another room?  I was reminded how fragile our mortal body is, but also how resilient. I was present in that moment of the inevitability that somewhere, sometime my body will begin the process of decay which will gain momentum as it is drawn toward physical death.  As I lay there I could not deny that such a journey is an unavoidable process of life.  

A day later I was about to land at Tullamarine Airport. We were low enough that I could tell that those cows on the ground were actually bulls. Suddenly, in a thrust of power that made the aircraft shudder, we were straining to ascend, the engines powering up as the landing was aborted. My husband, who was seated in the aisle, could hear the warning alarm sound from the flight deck and in an instant every horror scenario passed through my mind, while I simultaneously knew it was ok. It reminded me that part of the process of life is the truth that no matter how well my spiritual fire might burn, events will still happen that I cannot consciously control and that some will be terrible and I will have to endure and journey them regardless. 

The final event was the funeral of a friend. Here I was confronted with the notion of loss and impermanence as part of the process of life.  I prefer to think that he has ‘dropped the body’ or ‘shifted dimensions’ than consider he has died. Only the mortal body dies, the eternal just changes form. 

In some Eastern religions, your final thoughts at the point of death are considered so critical to the death/reincarnation process of life that they dedicate a great amount of their energy in life preparing for the moment of death. In the West however, we tend to push death away, fight it and in some cases try to beat it. Yet, as George Harrison sang...”All things must pass”. 

Given I am approaching the 50 milestone and likely have more life behind me than ahead, I couldn’t help but consider how prepared I am to embrace the ultimate process of life – that is; in working consciously with my death.

You would be aware that in my last blog I decided to give up my need to harbour enemies, which means I must also give up my attachment to being ‘right’ – or at least that others are wrong or have wronged me.  The process of life affirmation has given rise to events which demonstrate clearly just why that is so important. It is easy to ‘trust the process’ when we are ‘in the positive flow’, but when things go dark, we can struggle against it rather than trust the storm. I want to be able to flow in light and dark and find the truth and beauty within both.

When I leave this world, I would like to ‘drop the body’ in a consciousness characterised by love and grace. To do so I have to start now. I am working to rid myself of thoughts and feelings of resentment, fear, hate, jealousy and so on. I trust that the process of life is occurring to clear me of these lower intents and I seek to allow them to purify my attachment and ego.  

So my affirmation for the next few days is: 

My heart is open. I speak with loving words.

Until next time, stay open.

Namaste

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

Trust

Hello Again,

It is interesting but hardly surprising that the affirmation “It is safe to look within” had me in a flurry of outward activity. In fact, I ticked so many ‘to do’ boxes that I should affirm to look within to get me moving whenever I feel like vegging on the couch.  I managed to maintain an inner reflection as I worked through my tasks, but I must admit I was particularly captivated by my mental dialogue.

As I witnessed the passing parade of thoughts, most of which were anchored in the ego realm, it occurred to me that this was certainly not the desired awareness of this affirmation. I noticed that I was merely moving my ‘stuff’ around and bringing up dust as I did so. Noticing everything that comes up feels like work, but at the end of the day, despite the focus it takes, shifting it around doesn’t constitute a real clean. My thoughts are sometimes excruciatingly uncomfortable and some of them have to go!

If you’re anything like me, thoughts come and go without and even despite of, any conscious effort. It is seemingly impossible to choose what will come in, but it must be possible to choose what we allow to stay. I found it easier to let go of certain thoughts when I contemplated them as objects in the rooms of my mind that were actually grabbing for my awareness. I could then choose what I would focus on and what I did not want to give my energy to. I started with the irritating ones, held them in my mind and then affirmed to ‘go within’ dragging them with me. 

My intent was to see the thought as a surface ego manifestation and take it within where the light of soul would shine truth upon it. What was revealed in that light was not all love and joy, in fact, the opposite was true. The light revealed my attachments and wounds and in some cases I saw my unwillingness to get out of my judgement around certain issues. When people conduct themselves in ways that are deceitful or selfish and that hurts us, I guess it is just easier to contemplate them as assholes and firmly draw the ‘us and them’ line. Be that as it may, nothing leaves our life until it has taught us what we need to learn – and I think the lesson is a little deeper that me making a character assessment – albeit an accurate one!

So I am staying with the notion of continuing to look within – in safety. I intend to open to deeper learning within my judgement thoughts that still lurk in the recesses of my mind. I truly want to see the blessing, the growth and the divinely orchestrated path that is ushered in by the events of my life and to do this; I need to give up my need to keep enemies. The Universe agrees, because the affirmation I divined for today is:

I trust the process of life

Now this is something truly worth embodying – after all, life is our only true Guru. Let’s take a few days with this one.

I hope you are all going well. With school holidays upon me for the next three weeks I will definitely continue with daily affirmations; however the blogs might be less frequent.  

Namaste

Sally

www,yourbeautifullife.com.au 

Grabbing for awareness

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

I’m home from an exhausting two day road trip, punctuated by a red wine with a friend discussing  ‘secret women’s business’ and an express shoe shop at D.F.O with my teenage daughter. I’m pretty tired and to be honest, I feel like lying around watching the washing dry. 

I have so much day to day ‘stuff’ to catch up on and my blogging should be a priority, yet I have been edgy and full of procrastination this morning. A mere two day break from routine and the momentum waned, my focus scattered and I am confronted with a thousand reasons not to write. It’s a form of self-sabotage of course, all neatly dressed up in lack of time and too much busyness. In my heart though, there is the slightest whisper to get on with it and reconnect to the project. It will be this gentle caress that I allow to determine my future and not the voices of doubt that so readily hold court and grab at my awareness. It is within those competing voices that my first revelation emerged.

The affirmations have shown me just how crowded and unpredictable the mental realm is. Thoughts seem to rise from nowhere, so much so that they can feel like a barrage of attack without reason. There seems no light or dark, no beginning or end, but instead an endless passing parade of images derived from the ego life. These images then trigger feeling, pulling it up from within and suddenly my presence is taken somewhere else, somewhere I don’t always want to go. Hypnotised by hours of following the white line on the road trip, I could clearly see that my awareness is distinct from both my thoughts and my feelings. Moreover I could see that each of those planes are constantly grabbing at my awareness as though it is a precious prize. I am learning that indeed it is! 

The car trip went something like this. In the middle of affirming love, I would suddenly encounter awareness of a heinous wrong done to me years ago, complete with images and attack thoughts. My body tightens involuntarily and before I could react, dark feelings, triggered by my memory of the past, rushed in. In an instant, my awareness shifted from love to dark judgement, and all triggered by an event that was years in the past and that was not even on my mind.

In the midst of that process, I couldn’t help but wonder why the hell that memory came in to snap me out of my loved up affirmation. But more than that, I was perplexed because my conscious thoughts in the moment were all about love and yet they triggered a deep sense of...well...hate. Who or what was controlling the transmission? I concluded that it was all my own consciousness, performing rituals to show me where my work is – once again. While I affirm love, my awareness seeks out those areas within where I am still so wounded that love cannot enter. It opened up something for me then, but I am still working with it so will get back to you when it anchors.

Affirmation is great to silence the din and connect to the calm centre so it is a perfect time to bring to the surface aspects of ourselves that are not calm. It has shown me that I need to choose diligently where my awareness will flow, as much as the ego loves to wallow in judgement, especially of others, that this is a place of ‘anti-love’ within the self  and I don't want to live there. That realisation is the motivation for me to reconnect with this blog in order to reveal more and more of my inner world. I truly want to explore this in myself and moreover I want to witness the changes that will occur if I begin to treat my awareness with greater respect.

In a past blog I wrote that perhaps self-respect was the ultimate expression of self-love. I don’t believe that is true. Now I believe that it is the foundation from where one can begin to journey to true self-love. Even though that road will continue to show me where I am not love, I am willing to walk that path. The deepest challenge is that there can be no self-love without loving all others. In contemplating those that have wounded us the most, to love is the greatest of challenges. It is work worth undertaking. I feel less attached to how things must look in my life to constitute ‘happy’ and the concept of love is broadening too.  Maybe there is hope for me yet.

I am still working with the love affirmations – because they reveal so much, but in view of where it has taken me, I am adding this new focus:  It is safe to look within.

Until we next chat, I’d love to hear from you.

Namaste Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

Life loves you

Hello Again,

I am pleased, no ecstatic to say that my fears were only paper tigers and even though their facades were terrifying, they were exposed relatively quickly.

I had to sweat it out for about 24 hours or so before I could face them down and eradicate them and through all the angst the feelings of love beneath this affirmation held firm. It was quite a revelation to me. Once again my inner fire burned, but this is the first time it has prevailed when tested in connection to self-love. I do believe I am embodying more of my light and so feel a sense of faith taking root. 

Yet, once again I was somewhat floundering in the physical, but I have a good man to hold my hand and am learning to accept love and support as it flows to me. I now have an even stronger sense that the physical is where my work needs to be in the short term. I feel very blessed that I will connect physically with so many of my soul family in less than a fortnight. Thank you all for being there to greet me as I emerge from the trials of the last 7 or so months.

Yesterday I mentioned that the ‘I love you” affirmation was triggering other, equally positive thoughts to enter my mental realm. While I am going to continue with this affirmation for the next few days, I will also add one of the new ones – so we now have two focuses. 

Our new one is - I love life and life loves me. 

When I say this, I can feel my solar plexes respond.

I have to head out on a little road trip for the next few days and will not have the tools or wifi to post to this blog tomorrow. I am sure I will have some new insights when I return. Thank you to the beautiful people who join me here. I love you.

Namaste

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

The plot thickens

Hello Friends,

This affirmation has been lovely. Instead of triggering a self-depreciating cringe, it has in fact opened the door for a rush of other positive thoughts to come in. I’m still on very shaky ground where my safety and security are concerned, but within that I can feel a glimpse of new beginnings emerging. I was very present energetically on my walk this morning and felt free of much of the baggage of my past. I was also working on sensing any further density and visualised it being released to the light. 

I still have a laugh when I look in the mirror and recite this affirmation, but it’s not due to disbelief or scorn. Instead it is because I am surprised and amused that I still genuinely feel positive despite the sobering reflection of the aging woman I see before me. Now days I have far more acceptance around my mortal body and ego, as well as a genuine desire to honour both in gratitude. They really have been the depository for all my angst, judgement and abuse and therefore have supported me with remarkable resilience. The feelings generated by this affirmation transcend my judgements and insecurities and have shown me that I am now someone learning to embody self-respect. Perhaps that is the highest form of self-love.

The difference in my approach to this affirmation is merely a reflection of the work I have done over the years in trying to identify myself more as a soul journeying through life, as opposed to an ego and body that is always reaching -and falling short. I now feel that I have a gentle connection to the divine spark within and that it is what I am trying to acknowledge via these affirmations. That connection has helped me to realise that I, like many others, have set a heavy curriculum for this life and that the patterns and shackles I have let go of should be celebrated. Whatever happens, this life has been one of growth and not stagnation, even though at times I have chosen some dark routes.

Despite my positive mood, or who knows, perhaps because of it, a mere hour later, a physical alarm manifested in my body, once again on the right side.  I was thrown right back in to fear. It’s a tricky, sticky situation for me, one that I will expand on when appropriate. 

Once again though, I am looking at a reality where affirmation is showing me where I am not, as opposed to where I am.  Maybe, it shows me both.

The plot definitely thickens and I have no idea where this decision to explore affirmation so deeply will take me. Suffice to say I’m ok with all of it except the public sharing…how ironic. I do know however that if I had to choose between soul purification and ego gratification I would choose the former. I am however, hoping to balance both.

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

Until the next instalment.

Namaste

Sally