I am on the precipice of a
significant turning point in my life…or am I?
I have pursued a ‘spiritual’
path since I was a child, despite having no religious influence from my family
environment. I was free to explore, so I hitched a ride to Sunday school with
one of my primary school friends for a while. It wasn’t all colouring in and
singing because I recall that I cultivated a good amount of fear during that
phase and often prayed for forgiveness because I was not christened. Perhaps it
is surprising that I actually widened my search rather than retreated from it,
given the first seeds that were planted were fearful.
As a teenager, I would
always invite those door knocking, pamphlet carrying evangelists into my home
for a chat as I was deeply interested in their perspective and even a little
envious of the surety of their faith. During my teens I explored, to varying
degrees, many religions from Jehovah’s Witness, Mormon, Church of England (as
it was known then) to Catholicism. None of them were a good fit for me.
By the time I was 20 I came
across an Indian based philosophy called Raja Yoga and began to visit the local
education centre. It was run by two young male monks who offered a foundation
course outlining their principles and practices as well as meditation training.
I attended weekly classes and many meditations. My favourite was the early
morning practices. We would gather before sunrise so we could tune into God
without interference from the ‘lower’ energies of anger, urgency and
competition that would infiltrate the psychic environment when the population
awoke. I felt like I had a secret inside me, the secret of soul; and I
positively glowed!
The centre had a dedicated
meditation room and mounted high on the wall was an odd looking light shade
that bathed the room in a warm and muted orange glow. At its centre was a
minute dot of vibrant pure white light - it was, according to the monks,
fashioned in the image of soul. As we always meditated open eyed, it gave us
something to focus on while we released our thoughts and opened our hearts.
I particularly loved Sundays
because we had special meditations that included a lecture and discussion.
Sometimes on Saturday nights we took long walks along the beach, marveling at
the stars, contemplating life and sharing our secrets. During this time I was
so ‘high-on-life’ that my parents asked me if I was taking drugs – I wasn’t –
not then anyway! Still, the centre was
almost as addictive as a substance and my hook was compounded by the fact that
I had developed a huge crush on one of the (celibate) monks. Having yet to come
to terms with a difficult childhood, it was probably the first time in my life
that I felt safe - no wonder I was in love!
I became deeply entrenched
in this way of life and was preparing to take leave from work and travel to
India to attend the Brahma Kumaris Spiritual University to immerse myself more
fully into the heart of the teachings. As soon as the decision was made
however, I was confronted with what I considered to be an insurmountable road
block. As I ventured deeper into the Raja Yoga doctrine, I came across certain
beliefs that I could not accept – not ever. I couldn’t ignore them and I
couldn’t fake it, so I felt compelled to let go and I walked away. While I was
desperate to feel safe, there was a greater yearning in me to find a spiritual
ideology that didn't cause me to roll my eyes while uttering an incredulous,
“Are you serious?" and unfortunately, this wasn't it. While Raja Yoga
could not satisfy my desire for faith, it opened me to soul consciousness and
changed the course of my spiritual seeking from then on. In time, I found
wonderful teachers of the ‘new age’ and began the journey into the self, not
hampered by rules, authority or hierarchy. That exploration continued for 30
years and continues to expand.
As I dabbled in the 'new
age' it was inevitable that I would come across a few psychics. There is one that stands out because I was
told many accurate things, three of which are significant to where I am now. I
was told:
1. I had recently been
joined by a guide called 'Virgil' who was here to teach me all about spirit.
2. The man I was dating
wasn't 'the one' and I would end up marrying an ex-boyfriend.
3. I was a 'dumb bunny'
because I had set myself a challenging road in that I had opted to get all my soul lessons over
and done with in the first half of my life.
The first two have
definitely come to pass, but I have been waiting ages for that proverbial 'halfway'
line in my life to materialise! The mark that would signal the end of the
darkest days and the beginning of a period of graceful fruition. After hoping
for it for years and meeting so many false flags, I tentatively think that time
might now be upon me. It’s not to say that life will not continue to have its challenges,
but my perception around them has irrevocably altered. Once again, the change I was looking for 'out there' was working its way out from within. We all know this, but we often seem to stubbornly resist. My resistance took me deep into soul.
Mid to late 2015 my
attraction to Indian philosophy rebirthed as I re-connected to the teachings.
With the maturity of 30 years of spiritual practice, the principles now
resonated with the deepest parts of me.
How ironic that it was I who had to take the journey inward to truly
understand the gift of the teachings. It was as though the flame had been
quietly waiting to be re-ignited and as I immersed myself deeper into Indian
ideas, the groundlessness I had been battling for months finally started to
shift. Susie had also been plagued with a deep unidentified unease, and soon we
decided that not just a holiday, but a spiritual pilgrimage to India was
necessary. However, within a mere few weeks of making that decision, I would
once again be confronted with an insurmountable road-block. This time it was
around my health, and soon after, Susie was faced with her own challenges in
this area. Our respective travails would keep us both immersed in dark and
profound initiation for about a year. They manifested as the deepest challenges
of our lives by far - and we have by no means had an easy past!
As we separately journeyed
our health or lack of, it's fair to say that we were stripped bare and as our
foundations gave way, we were left more vulnerable than we had ever been. In
surrendering to our life though, we were able to embody the truth that within
ego vulnerability births the strength of soul. We both knew that our lives were
forever changed. Our new world that is emerging in the aftermath of our trials
is one of pregnant possibility and great potential. Now, as we prepare to
re-enter our ego lives, we are doing so via...you guessed it; a pilgrimage to
India. Finally!
Travel changes you no matter
what form it takes, but this trip is a special one for me, for us; on so many
levels. Susie and I have walked the spiritual path together for around 20
years, through an intense and seemingly unrelenting purification fire – in fact
there is not much that we haven't traversed. It is divinely significant that we
are still here, together, continuing to seek the light and hold it in our
heart. Both of us are eager to meet the phoenix that will rise from the ashes
of our trials of the last year. I cannot speak for Susie, but I know I have
learned to be present in the moment, to cultivate detachment and flow; but most
importantly, I have finally anchored the inner faith, trust and willingness to
be in my life as it is. These are qualities that I have long been
seeking authentically, not as 'right' action but as a genuine expression of
self. I do feel that my life is at a positive confluence that heralds a turning
point. The only flash of fear I can sense is rising from the question 'What if
I'm wrong and nothing changes?" - But then so much has already
changed.
I know this blog is longer
than usual and if you've made it this far, thank you! I wanted to convey the
true significance of this trip and share the foundations for it that reach back
to the beginning of my spiritual journey in this life and touch my deeper
purpose. Further, it is significant that I have previously had two thwarted
attempts to fulfill this travel ambition, yet in this now time, following such
deep trials, it is coming to fruition. That just has to mean something
don't you think?!
As I reflect over my life
and the consistent challenges that characterised the past I can now see the
support that has been present throughout. Mostly it is my connection to Susie,
my brother and my husband...and if those relationships are the gifts and
support for doing the work in one constant stream, then it was worth it. I
never thought I would ever utter those words.
I intend to blog Susie and
my experiences, (time and internet connection permitting), while we are in
India. Don't worry; it won't be a monologue of tourist sites, even though we
will visit a few popular ones. Our predominant intent is to connect to aspects
of ourselves that are trying to birth into our present and we hope that this
will expand our self-awareness. India is such a fertile ground for enlightened
and realised beings to enter. We hope that we meet a few and in sharing their
energy will be enriched and opened. We hope you will join us on the inner
planes (via the internet) as we share our journey with you.
Big love and Namaste.
Sally
Hope you both have a wonderful time/experience, very excited for you.
ReplyDeleteJJ