Living well in impermanence

Your life is coming together now

I have enjoyed this focus very much. It has rested gently in my mind and has revealed many truths. Most importantly, awareness has anchored as to how my inner life has deepened since beginning my spiritual search so many years ago, and over the past year especially.

From the beginning of my spiritual exploration, right up until not that long ago, any contemplation around my life 'coming together' would have taken my focus out of my heart and into the physical manifestation of my 'real' world life. Further I would have measured its truth or otherwise according to what was manifesting in the physical, divided neatly in to what I hoped for and what I feared. Too little hope and too greater fear and I would have considered my life to be falling apart, not coming together. Despite all that I knew about the unlimited realm of soul, it seems I was still a slave to the limitation of ego in allowing it to tell me how well my spiritual fire was burning. Crazy huh?

I 'cut my spiritual teeth' on Western 'new age' thought that encouraged me to believe I was aligned to my Higher Self and the Universe whenever I ‘attracted’ good things and repelled negative experiences. I can remember quotes to the effect of "Where there is struggle you are not in the flow".  I took that sentiment literally and so spent a great deal of energy pushing away or severing my pain, while simultaneously clinging to whatever security I could find. I cut and burned everything from relationships to careers because I thought I was being compelled to take specific action to alleviate the challenging or difficult events occurring outside of me. That action was supposed to put me back “flow', but it rarely did.

That in itself is not the real problem, because no matter how hard we resist, what we need to look at will just keep manifesting in different forms until we ‘get’ it. At the same time what we cling to disappears or is revealed as a false flag and we find ourselves in turmoil once again - and we push it away again- or not. I'm sure you can relate to finding yourself back in the dense, dark undergrowth of ‘stuff’ you thought you’d dealt with. Is it comforting or scary to know we will always get to the truth of our learning? I now find it comforting, but I don’t want to take longer than I have to.

The problem with the notion of always seeking positive experience as a measure of spiritual connection is that we end up getting and then trying to hold something in a world of impermanence; a world in a constant state of death, decay and rebirth. Whenever we cling, yearn or push we fight this truth and create a barrier to knowing our own wisdom and loving awareness that is trying to emerge from 'what is'. I am so grateful I don't live my life in this way anymore.

Now, I can see that the strength, courage, commitment and resolve I have made to my inner life and spiritual work is beginning to weave through my consciousness in a far more empowering way. I’m not looking for proof of it ‘out there’ because I am beginning to embody it ‘in here’. My ability to maintain my equanimity in the face of the light and dark of my life has strengthened beyond measure. My connection to oneness is emerging, while my resistance to ‘what is’ is falling away. 

Yes my life is coming together but not because of what I have, but instead because of what I am able to let go of. I am not clutching at what I do have, nor am I yearning for what I do not have. Life is showing me a divine dance of light and dark, love and fear and I can honestly say that I am consciously working at staying present in both – even though I am in the midst of the most challenging times of my life. No one is more surprised or delighted by this, than me.

So now, as I meet people I try to consciously drop my awareness to my heart and to love. I offer up my forgiveness, beginning with myself, immerse myself gratefully in the reality of my aging mortal body and open to the immortality of soul. While honouring my Earth walk, I do sincerely and blissfully shout to the sky…"My life is coming together now!" How sweet it is.

So on to my new affirmation for the week. 

I focus on what I love and thus draw it to me.

Now isn’t that interesting. Considering I have just revealed that I no longer measure my life by what comes in, but rather by what I can release. Mmm, perhaps this is a chance to embody that truth. It requires a constant state of mindfulness that I admit I have not yet mastered, not even close…but I am so willing to try. 

Until next time, Namaste

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

The act of loving

Take time to feel the love that surrounds you

When I divined this card I sensed that it was more of an instruction to experience rather than an affirmation to contemplate, so I allocated time every day to go out in to my life, wherever it took me, and opened to feel the love. 

Of course it began in nature; it’s so easy isn’t it? The radiant blue skies, the sunlight on the water, the dappled rays through the trees, all of these things were easy to share a love connection with. Yet, this time it felt deeper. I felt the light of spirit within every form, from the sun glistening on the water, to the lamenting cries of the local black swans; it all prodded my heart to open to the truth of love spanning eons. 

The act of loving in this way felt like a devotion ritual to God/Goddess, in all its expressions, and so soon merged in to a deep sense of oneness. From there an awareness grew of the absolute resilience of love as a force in our lives; a force that has held its urge and presence through perhaps thousands of lifetimes of betrayal. I felt safe ground under my feet for the first time in a long while – but it had nothing to do with my physical circumstance. Instead it emerged from a force rising both within and without simultaneously; as above so below - the swan and the human, as expressions of the One and momentarily aware of it.

I cannot translate the reverie of these moments, for I think that is the work of poets or artists to do so. Suffice to say that I simply feel altered, and it is impacting all areas of my life in a positive manner. Awareness is now coming in that moves my ego lightly but takes me to greater depths spiritually. Funny, the intensity before was always in the ego plane – everything had to shake in order for me to dive inward.

As the natural ebb and flow of life will ensure that this phase is not permanent, I intend to thoroughly enjoy this time of feeling safe, loved and connected. Interestingly, as I was transferring my old affirmation cards from their dusty basket in to a new groovy box, I came across some cards I had made in a spiritual workshop that I undertook years and years ago and had completely forgotten. We had to write “My essence is …” and fill in the blank with both the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ traits of our inner selves; you know the deep dark secrets. I actually burned (see pic) three of the ‘bad’ cards because I can honestly say that I have transcended those patterns. That was a bonus to realise. 

At the bottom of the old basket I also found the first crystal I ever bought, a tumbled stone of black obsidian (see pic). My heart instantly recognised it like an old friend and it took me back to those early days of my spiritual exploration. I used to carry it in my jeans pocket with a clear quartz companion and my friends thought I was kooky. I was so young and so deeply troubled back then and holding that crystal now was like holding my past – a past that I had carried for too long but have finally released. 

I sense that I have completed a very long 25 year cycle in my spiritual growth – and I am pleased to have survived it! I am excited by the next journey and am open to its gifts. In the meantime, I’ll continue to go out and speak to the sunlight on the water, for it has secrets to share.

The new affirmation I divined from my new groovy box of (old) affirmations is:

Your life is coming together now

Wow, how fantastic and apt. I only divine a new affirmation when I’ve finished the blog for the old. I couldn’t script it any better – love it!

Namaste

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

 

Suffering amid the love of Higher Will

I am a co-creator with the Higher Will

I have to admit that this affirmation has been about as comfortable to rest in as a bed of nails. In fact, it has pierced my consciousness and awoken me from my sleep in the wee small hours many times.  I have resisted writing about it as long as I could, just like my school assignments in the old days and like then, I am now faced with the ultimatum of do it now or fail at my task. So here I am, a little sulky and completely unsure of where this blog is going.

I believe this affirmation is true with all of my heart and I already work with Higher Will consciously, as an aspect of my own self that is unencumbered by Earthy attachments and so is more knowing. I believe Higher Will communicates under the realm of ego thought and nudges me awake via feeling. Conversely, I work with Divine Will as the sum of all of our Higher Will - the God/Goddess or the Universe if you prefer. Hence when I sat in meditation with this affirmation, I was definitely focussed within my own consciousness and life.

It was in reconciling my Higher Will with my physical life where the nails started to emerge. My life events over the past year have been characterised by feelings of suffering, fear and abandonment. I ask the ego - ”Did I do something to cultivate such trials?” “Of course not!” it screams. “You have tried to be loving and honest” and that is true. So at whose hand do I find myself manifesting a year of sacrifice?  Seeing no source of it in my ego actions, I am left with the invisible world of ‘Higher Will’ or spirit as my tormentor. This is dangerous territory, for it makes an adversary of the Self; it separates, and renders the source of our life unknowable to us, which is quite unacceptable.

And then the light goes on. What aspect of us abides in separation and projects is frailty outside amid blame and punishment? The ego of course; so I return my focus there. Despite my conscious intent to never allow my actions to deliberately harm another, I am still manifesting hardship. Now I have heard many people justify this anomaly in their own lives by pointing to ‘past life or present karma’ - but these people often see karma as punishment and reward, which is not only simplistic, but false. Others believe that ‘bad things happen to good people for no reason’ – however I don’t believe the infinite intelligence of the Universe can be contained within ‘no reason’. So despite my life 'well' lived, as creator of my own reality, what have I done to enable sacrifice as my life long companion? The answer has to be conscious, or the entire Earth walk is pointless – and that is an even more ridiculous concept than ‘no reason’.

So I wonder how I can trust my Higher Will (myself), if as a co-creator, I am rocked by events that I didn’t see coming, that don’t seem fair and that make me want to shake my fist at the Universe? The truth is, in sitting with this dilemma for the past week and venturing in to my ego decisions, I can see the link. Yes, it is true that I have chosen to love and support others, but some of those choices I can see now, were made in attachment and need so great that I sold my soul to 'have' it. I sacrificed the sacred “I” to get the love and support that was never offered freely, that contained nails and hooks instead of caresses and support. More, I can see that the search should have always been within for that love.  All of the choices were conscious and they felt pure because the attachments were so old and so deep that I didn’t even notice they were pulling me under – until I was nearly drowned.

So my Higher Will, as a co-creator, manifested that truth in my life so I could see the carnage it was causing manifested in my body and life and so deny it no more. I have not yet drowned, so it roused me in the nick of time – and now I am learning a new way a being – myself. 

This whole phase has also been the opening for the new direction of our work in Your Beautiful Life that is becoming a new workshop. It is both daunting and exciting.

So after a gruelling week, My Higher Will has co-created the following affirmation to rest in –

Take time to feel the love that surrounds you

Nice one – I’ll unclench my fist and instead say -

Namaste

Sally
www.yourbeautifullife.com.au

Success and the Lions Gate...

I am a success

I allow myself to feel successful.

This has been an interesting affirmation to try on. As I contemplated the notion of success, my focus immediately came to rest on my work with spirit and remained there, taunting me. It was no surprise. I am acutely aware that most of my unresolved issues emanate from the work that I do and in particular, the constant striving to bring it to fruition. While I am deeply committed, it is fair to say that it has not been enough to bring me to a point where I would consider myself successful. Therefore, I was excited to unite my work with the concept of success via this affirmation and hoped that it was a good sign, perhaps ushering in positive change. 

I participate in much more than this blog. I am involved in private on-line forums, live events, workshops and skype discussion groups. I also work with people one on one in channeling and via a high frequency healing modality. You might recall from a previous blog my intent to unravel my Western patterning and belief systems. Some of my spiritual work and sharing is paid, however it amounts to nowhere near a viable income, so from a Western view, I guess that would constitute failure. Since I have been working within spirit for 25 years, 15 of them directly with Your Beautiful Life, at times, I will admit, I have felt like I would crumple under the weight of lack of commercial success. It was not predominantly about money, although, let's face it, we all need make a living; but more about the fact that our work is deeply empowering, so I expected the support of spirit to 'get it out there' on a larger scale. 

I have however, been recompensed for the lack of financial return in my work by many, many moments of deep, revelation, connection and awareness. I have had women look me in the eye and tell me the work that I do with Susie and our guide Virgil has saved their life - literally. I have witnessed the practical as well as spiritual transformation in so many people’s lives as they work with our course and I feel blessed to have been part of it. Even in times of financial stress, my husband has always encouraged me to continue with this path, despite its sobering financial return. He, like many others, dread to contemplate where they would be if they had not undertaken the work contained in Your Beautiful Life so we keep believing.

As a vehicle for the guides, when people open to them in the channeling space, I am privileged to see what spirit sees, that is; into the true heart and soul of another - and it is always beautiful. Due to pain and struggle we cannot always see beauty in ourselves, but, trust me, it is there and it is breathtaking. It has motivated me to seek that connection in people myself, outside of the channeling space and so has enhanced my life in a way that transcends ego logic or measurement. It just rests in my higher inner awareness (when I can rest there too) and breaks my heart – but in a good way, in a way that lets light in.  

I am connected to the people I meet within my work so deeply that we can share the love of soul without flinching, without looking away and hiding. Even more significant is being able to share our shadow; aspects that we are fearful or ashamed of, or hiding from and so on. I have seen people at their most vulnerable, and allowed others to witness that in me. I have laughed, ranted, cried and sobbed. I have fought to crack barriers and supported people through their soul stories of darkness, betrayal, pain, to ultimately reach for awareness and triumph. Is that success? I'm not sure. It feels more like integrity, commitment, connection and purpose – and that has to be enough.

Hope can sometimes create a cold shroud over one’s life, can it not? When I am not getting what I desire, if I am attached to it, I will suffer with its absence. Worse, what I do have will be rendered less and continue to diminish. This is the danger of insisting the beauty of my work also conform to the parameters of Western 'success'. My tribe mean too much to me to even try- I could never look upon them as a commodity or a book sale.

So I'm going to try to unhook myself from my old ideas of success around my work that are absolutely couched in Western expectation. Instead, I will continue to honour each soul I meet and thank them for the gift of sharing that occurs in the moment of heart connection. It is a glimpse in to the truth of our soul - a truth that I will strive to anchor in to my present and future evolution.

We are soon to enter our 4th print run of Your Beautiful Life, with a new cover and added insight. Maybe, one day, when more people are ready to love, honour, share and look within for answers, physical and spiritual success will fuse and that balance will manifest in my life. Until then, onward to a new affirmation...

I am a co-creator with the Higher Will 

Now that's interesting, since we are right now in the energy of 888 - the Lion's Gate.

Mmm, best do a meditation on this one.

Until next time, Namaste.

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au 

Faking loving awareness - you know you do it

I am loving and loveable

I wore this affirmation for longer than I actually wanted to. Busy, busy, busy, no time to write about it and so finish it off and move on to another. So we were stuck together, eyeing each other off and it all felt pretty futile. Affirmations like this are the reason I get bored and eat chocolate. In reality they constitute BIG work that encompasses a lifetime and hence they can’t truly be embodied with the relatively small commitment of simple intent. 

So, after working with this for a week, am I now being loving awareness and having it returned to me? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, therefore, nothing has really changed. Still I will share what I have, because the journey through intent is still worth striving to hold.

Let’s begin with, “I am loving” - well, I learned that I can certainly fake that easily enough – I suppose we all do it every day. I can smile at the ward clerk at the hospital while she pretends I’m not there, I can respond gently to woman who has undermined my friends’ marriage and I can wave happily at the local gossip as I rush past her with a friendly, “Sorry I have somewhere to be”.

But inside, inside my response is anything but loving. Inside I am tightening and resisting and holding and fighting the urge to tell them they’re rude, or deceitful or insincere. But I don’t say anything and it’s not because I’m loving awareness, it’s  because  I know I must not judge them and that their ‘stuff’ is none of my business! So I learned this week that with turtles, loving is effortless and full; with people, it can be hard work - and that work is mine alone.

So now let’s move on to loveable. Now I feel like I’m in a bad Hallmark card. I’m loveable? Really? And how am I supposed to measure that? How many times have I extended kindness, openness and tolerance to people, only to be used up and spat out? How many people have stood before me bearing flowers that I later find out were really disguising the knife I would eventually wear in my back?  If I truly believed I was loveable, would such betrayal disappear from my reality? Of course not! Loving and loveable are inner states of being, not doing and cannot be measured by the actions of others. 

That is the bedrock of my problem with this affirmation right there. To me it carries an implication that others will love me and if I need that, I'm in dangerous territory. How people feel about us can change in an instant, and at the deepest level, it doesn't have anything to do with us. Oh it is the easiest of work to find reasons to dislike people and then to justify it, but at the end of the day, the work to overcome it is ours alone. Take the ‘bad clerk’. She annoyed me because I have, in the past, managed entire departments and poor performance anywhere affects me as though I still am. The ‘other woman’ triggers me because I want to trust the sisterhood to support each other rather than compete and lie and women like her make it really hard to do that. The 'gossip' triggers me because she’s untrustworthy and never lets the truth ‘get in the way’ of a good story and I don’t want to go there, I don’t want to fuel other people’s hardships. So all of them were triggering my own issues - it was all mine, mine, mine - and there will no doubt be more, more, more.

So my ability to love and be loveable is of course an inside job, which I knew last week and still know this week. If someone can’t love and appreciate me, then that is where their work is. If I can’t love and appreciate another, then that is where my work is. Therefore, we only need to focus on being loving and all our evolution will emerge from that struggle - and Oh what a struggle it can be! Life, as always, is our Guru. 

Thinking about it honestly, the only souls I know for sure that find me unconditionally loveable are my dogs – but maybe I can’t even rely on them; they do look at my dubiously whenever it’s dry food for dinner.

So, onward to a new focus of intent where I divined another affirmation and received -

 “I am beautiful and everybody loves me”

OH NO!!!!!!!!

______________________________________________________________________________

There is my line and I’m not going to cross it! There is no way I can work with that with serious intent – a comedy skit maybe, but not a genuine focus. To me, that’s not what spirituality is about. Working to validate beauty, inside or out and seeking the love of ‘everybody’ is fraught with ego neediness and attachment. Geez, talk about taking up residence in a mine field.

One of the many truths we are bound to work with in life is that not everybody is going to love you, or even like you. It is an unavoidable reality of the human experience and actually how we help each other evolve! Our work is to transcend it and not be hooked, rather than strive to eliminate it altogether, which is impossible. That affirmation implies it is possible.

So goodbye Louise Hay, I’m breaking up with you. I’ve taken my basket of affirmations, that I hand wrote on cards 25 years ago, down from the shelf and am using them for this blog from now on. The first one is:

I am a success. I allow myself to feel successful.

This suits me much better. Success after all is in the eye of the beholder (yes I know so is beauty) however, feeling successful is achievable, (yes...as is feeling beautiful). The difference is; this affirmation does not rely on anyone or everyone else finding me successful. It works from the inside, from my feeling, that is where the fire is. I hope you’ll join me.

Namaste

Sally

www.yourbeautifullife.com.au