Cont’d
I wanted to be ready to heed
any instruction from the policeman so I fixed my gaze upon him, despite his attention never leaving the perpetrator. As I continued to observe the situation, I
witnessed, to some degree, his story playing out in the moment. I sensed his
adrenalin, his frustration, his anger. I watched as his police training of restraint
wrestled with his human desire for action and justice. I thought of his Mum,
his loved one’s and wondered what made someone want to face these situations as
simply another day at work. All this was racing through my mind...and I didn't even think to lock my car door, because I wasn't actually fearful. As I continued to stare at him, I sensed that the
wrestling match was over, the decision made – and he wasn’t going to shoot. Within
seconds, the guy in the car must have sensed it too, because he made his
getaway, menacing pedestrians and traffic as he sped away. I learned later that
this chase began at 4am and only finished at 5pm that night and - you guessed
it, it was all about drugs. The incident I was involved in was at 10.30am –
who’d be a police officer hey?
After the car sped away, the
policeman walked away without acknowledging me. Time stood still during the
stand-off but the instant it was over, the traffic moved again as if a spell was
broken. The carnage that this driver had
caused was ahead of me and was the reason I had stopped where I did. There were
several smashed cars strewn on the road that bore testimony that this had been
an ongoing pursuit. While I was of course, affected by this incident, as I said, I wasn't frightened. Instead I was deeply compelled and fascinated by the co-creation, what it meant and why it happened. I knew
that it was the third physical manifestation that I had been waiting for. The
lesson couldn’t have been clearer if I scripted it my self – oh hang on - I
did!
It demonstrated that we have no control over the surface day to day ego level of our lives, even though we cultivate the illusion that we do. As I realised that lack of control, the concept of 'witness' anchored, a concept I had been working with for some time. There was nothing I could have done at an ego level to
prevent me from being in that place at that time. In fact, it was a seemingly
benign and innocent ego urge to count my k’s that actually put me there! My car
was originally parked about 50 metres away from where the smashes occurred.
Even if divine timing had returned me to my car when it was all happening, I
still would have been outside of the event rather than right in the nucleus of
it.
All I could do in the moment was witness what I had co-created and be open
to what it was showing me. I accepted the truth that I can’t stop life
happening to me, the good, the bad and the ugly. All I can do is open to the
divine truth that weaves through all experience and then let the will of heaven
flow through me. It could all be over tomorrow, so I don’t want to waste today
with worry. In truth, in terms of our
mortality, we are safe nowhere if our time is up and safe everywhere if it is
not. As I sat in my car I knew that there was nothing I could do to influence
the events in which I found myself. There was no action that would ensure my safety,
no affirmation that would influence the outcome, so I just opened to the
experience.
Despite the fact that I was temporarily
powerless, I could sense that it was actually only physically. In my soul, I was free to surrender to the moment by cultivating
true presence, rather than aligning with victimhood, fear or fate. Massive
changes were occurring within my energy and I became acutely aware of my ego
attachment to outcome, control and right action - and felt it all let go. My
response to this situation was a microcosm of how I should approach my whole
life; in the moment, in willingness and surrender.
I will no longer judge
things gone wrong in my life as punishment or evidence of my ineptitude. Instead
I will cultivate awareness that no matter what we face, it all originates from
Divine Will and hence I will mindfully try to rise to meet its perspective like the eagle. There is
no pain in spirit, so we come to Earth where it is rampant. No matter how hard
we try to push it away, it will always find us and there can be no doubt that
it opens us in ways that joy, while glorious, does not.
Pain is inevitable, suffering
is optional said Buddha. I now understand. This incident did not clear my angst
around my health, but it did absolutely put it in perspective. When I am having
tests, fear is a normal response and I should allow it rather than suppress or
deny. However, I need to allow it to wash over me and breathe into the next
moment until it flows away. The key is to not cling to the fear once that
moment is gone. I could have died in that incident – and didn’t. I could have
died through ill health – and didn’t. Life is a moment to moment experience for
us all. Right now I am full of hope, love and a contentment that I have never
before been able to hold. It is beautiful and I want to try to flow with that and continue this empowered journey to its depths
.
I will always manifest what
I need to grow and it won’t always be palatable to the ego. Sometimes when I
contemplate my lack of control I feel the seeds of fear popping. I’m trying
hard not to water them. Fear is a waste of energy and stops us from
learning what we are here to learn. Was it Gandhi who said “Fearlessness is a
prerequisite of a spiritual life?” How ironic that I have walked the path for
nearly 30 years and am just now cultivating a prerequisite. I look forward to
2016 – whatever it brings.
Namaste
Sally
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