I focus on what I love and thus draw it to me.
Grrrrrr!!! Freakin’
hysterical… I can’t deny that the Universe has an inspiring sense of humour!
I have worked with
this affirmation, as I do with all my spiritual exploration, from the awareness of essence over
form. In other words, I did not focus on drawing physical outcomes to me, but
instead began looking at where my focus actually was, since that is the foundation
from which my physical life emerges.
While we can exert our
will in an attempt to focus in a ‘positive’ direction (when we remember to), the
reality is that our true and consistent focus exists under our conscious
awareness. You can know it however, if you become aware of your spontaneous
responses to your life. Most of us accept that how we treat others is a
reflection of ourselves. So with this affirmation I looked at those areas where
I have closed my heart, have shut down, am avoiding and cannot forgive - myself
and others.
Forgiveness in spiritual
life is necessary because without it, your heart is closed and separation is
fortified which, in turn, creates restriction and suffering in your own life.
Spiritually, it is never really a question of morality, or of who did what to whom, because our
perspectives on the circumstances are too intimate and variable. Instead, forgiveness
is about seeking our common ground which begins in the acknowledgment that in
all Earthly pain, we are both victim and perpetrator. We are all carrying scars
and weapons.
I was raised in a
dysfunctional family that has in no way transcended the labyrinth of compelling
and deep wounding that is at the source of its problems. I am estranged from one
family member, cautious with others, and still deeply connected to some. I searched
my feelings around each relationship and contemplated whether I am adding to suffering
or not – theirs and mine.
I decided in some
instances I was avoiding connection and so prepared myself and entered the ‘lion’s
den’ so I could work with these concepts in the physical and so embody them. I stayed present
during our reunion, pausing to check in on my power centre, my heart, and my thoughts.
Much to my surprise, it was all clear! There was no judgement and no attachment,
just a flow of energy that moved through us. I was surprised and was left scratching
my head wondering where my work will come in. I didn't have to wait long.
There is an older lady that
walks around our beautiful lake system here at home smoking and dropping cigarette
butts along the way. There are now hundreds along the walkways and when I see
them, it always gets my ire up. I don’t understand people who litter, or don’t
pick up after their dog, especially as it damages our shared natural
environment. Once, my husband told her to pick up after herself, but the butts
just keep multiplying.
This morning, I heard
my husband ranting. Apparently we have a stack of her white butts dropped on
our nature strip! I’m speechless, my throat constricted by the tsunami of energy spiraling
inside me. I observe my heart, my power centre and thoughts and cannot help but
notice I have a raging war inside me. I’m wondering how I am going to deal with
this. Perhaps I’ll drop my dog poo on her lawn, maybe I’ll go to council, or
harass her if I pass her on our walks - as Dr. Seuss said…”Oh the places you’ll
go”.
I’m trying to resist
what is occurring within me, but the energy, the judgement is just so strong
that I can feel it pulling me under. I know I have to just stop and drop the stories,
the outrage and feel the energy in my body - but (there's that danger word) it feels utterly linked to her
actions. My heart is heavy, completely blocked. My power centre is pulsing and consequently
my thoughts are, well…feral! This swirling energy takes me away and I simply
cannot stay in the moment as I run a cacophony of stories about this stupid
woman.
So what makes me stop?
I fold washing to distract myself and ask “Who am I and who do I want to be?
Will I fuel this woman’s neurosis and then become her? Or will I let it go and
seek my higher awareness and be that instead?” In other words - will I go to
hell for her? The answer is easy - NO WAY!
I will not retaliate,
I will not fume or plot or even bother to judge or even let it take space in my
mind. The only responsibility I have is to work with my own karma i.e. my response – and leave
her to deal with hers. I choose to stay out of hell and the internal rage that feeds it.
Instead I open my heart and link in with love I feel for the natural
environment, instead of fueling my negative judgement for her abuse of it. I
link to gratitude that I can work with my life rather than rage at those who do
not share my perspective. I choose to find the love in my life that can
transcend such provocative acts of ignorance.
Once again, we see
that to get to what we love we must expose the blocks and judgements we
have around it that keep us closed and separate. As usual, there’s no point in
trying to prepare for our awakening. I was ready to deal with the family
triggers and found only acceptance -while a grumpy old lady who uses our
Mother Earth as an ashtray made me temporarily lose my mind – too funny!
So my new affirmation
divined today is:
Forgive… let the past be the past
While it is heavy
work, it is worthy work.
Until next time
Namaste
Sally
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