I am a co-creator with the Higher
Will
I have to admit that this affirmation has been about as
comfortable to rest in as a bed of nails. In fact, it has pierced my
consciousness and awoken me from my sleep in the wee small hours many times. I have resisted writing about it as long as I
could, just like my school assignments in the old days and like then, I am now
faced with the ultimatum of do it now or fail at my task. So here I am, a
little sulky and completely unsure of where this blog is going.
I believe this affirmation is true with all of my heart and I
already work with Higher Will consciously, as an aspect of my own self that is
unencumbered by Earthy attachments and so is more knowing. I believe Higher
Will communicates under the realm of ego thought and nudges me awake via
feeling. Conversely, I work with Divine Will as the sum of all of our
Higher Will - the God/Goddess or the Universe if you prefer. Hence when I sat
in meditation with this affirmation, I was definitely focussed within my own consciousness
and life.
It was in reconciling my Higher Will with my physical life
where the nails started to emerge. My life events over the past year have been
characterised by feelings of suffering, fear and abandonment. I ask the ego - ”Did
I do something to cultivate such trials?” “Of course not!” it screams. “You
have tried to be loving and honest” and that is true. So at whose hand do I
find myself manifesting a year of sacrifice?
Seeing no source of it in my ego actions, I am left with the invisible
world of ‘Higher Will’ or spirit as my tormentor. This is dangerous territory, for it
makes an adversary of the Self; it separates, and renders the source of our
life unknowable to us, which is quite unacceptable.
And then the light goes on. What aspect of us abides in
separation and projects is frailty outside amid blame and punishment? The ego
of course; so I return my focus there. Despite my conscious intent to never
allow my actions to deliberately harm another, I am still manifesting hardship.
Now I have heard many people justify this anomaly in their own lives by
pointing to ‘past life or present karma’ - but these people often see karma as
punishment and reward, which is not only simplistic, but false. Others believe that
‘bad things happen to good people for no reason’ – however I don’t believe the infinite
intelligence of the Universe can be contained within ‘no reason’. So despite my
life 'well' lived, as creator of my own reality, what have I done to enable sacrifice as my life long
companion? The answer has to be conscious, or the entire Earth walk
is pointless – and that is an even more ridiculous concept than ‘no reason’.
So I wonder how I can trust my Higher Will (myself), if as a
co-creator, I am rocked by events that I didn’t see coming, that don’t seem
fair and that make me want to shake my fist at the Universe? The truth is, in
sitting with this dilemma for the past week and venturing in to my ego
decisions, I can see the link. Yes, it is true that I have chosen to love and support others,
but some of those choices I can see now, were made in attachment and need so
great that I sold my soul to 'have' it. I sacrificed the sacred “I” to get the love and
support that was never offered freely, that contained nails and hooks instead
of caresses and support. More, I can see that the search should have always
been within for that love. All of the
choices were conscious and they felt pure because the attachments were so old
and so deep that I didn’t even notice they were pulling me under – until I was
nearly drowned.
So my Higher Will, as a co-creator, manifested that truth in
my life so I could see the carnage it was causing manifested in my body and life
and so deny it no more. I have not yet drowned, so it roused me in the nick of
time – and now I am learning a new way a being – myself.
This whole phase has also been the opening for the new
direction of our work in Your Beautiful Life that is becoming a new workshop.
It is both daunting and exciting.
So after a gruelling week, My Higher Will has co-created the
following affirmation to rest in –
Take time to feel the love that
surrounds you
Nice one – I’ll unclench my fist and instead say -
Namaste
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